How often do we use the word ‘beautiful’ or ‘beauty’? One of my favorite YouTube vloggers loves this word. My ten year old once said ‘Is she the beautiful one?’ as I was watching while folding laundry. I was shocked! He isn’t one to call anything beautiful… but he meant ‘is she the one who says beautiful a lot?’ I really enjoy her work, by the way. My point here is what do we consider beautiful? Isn’t it usually visual? Sometimes also a thing we hear? A sunset. A song. A piece of artwork. A lovely room set up. The sound of rain.

This post is for me to learn and grow from! I am going to venture into the topic of conversation being something beautiful. How often do we actually stop and consider what we are saying in company? Do we think that what we are speaking plays a role in the life of the hearer?

Being an Encouragement

As we get together with family and friends, day to day or more-so during the holidays, it behooves us to think about how we respond to and think about topics of conversation. We’ve all been there: a conversation begins and we are on a precipice… will this conversation turn onto an encouraging, uplifting path, or will it quickly dive down and become self-centered, negative, and pitying? Am I the person that brings it around? Or do I plow down further into the mire of self with those around me?

Now, I know what you might be thinking. What about sympathizing with someone? What about patting them on the back? I am not dismissing either. Please, sympathize and pat! What a wonderful way of loving others. What I am saying is to make those pats and sympathies into something edifying. Instead of using some of those phrases we love in the 21st century, why not turn that conversation on its head and choose JOY amidst trial? Perhaps an option would be: instead of saying ‘It is what it is’, we could say something less universal and more personal like ‘I am sure this is a hard time for you and your family. I wonder how you will grow through this together? What can I do to help?’ And, if you are a follower of Jesus, you may add that you are praying for them or ask if you can pray for them then and there.

There are very heavy times of trial and times of heartache, terror, and darkness. Of course there are- we live in a sin-filled world. My challenge to us would be to take those perfect opportunities to be a blessing to someone and use them wisely. We need each other to be helpful and caring, not to gloss over heavy subjects.

Listening

There are many many times when all we need to do is listen. People want to share. They want to be heard and seen and loved. How often we can take those moments and turn them into one-upping. Instead of listening to this person (friend, family, spouse, stranger), we are thinking what we will say next. Maybe we want to compete with their story and say “Oh, well you won’t believe what happened to me.” Maybe we want to fix them and their situation, and that isn’t what they are asking for. And maybe, we are not even listening at all… only pretending to. Being present is worth more money than we could ever gift to anyone.

Am I a good listener? I definitely see when someone isn’t listening to me. When we aren’t listened to, we become hurt, angry, hardened. I remember a quote from the 5th Harry Potter book where Dumbledore is listening to someone ‘as if they were the only person in the room.’ That stuck with me. I have always been a person who can listen to several things going on at once. Maybe it is in my genes. Maybe it is learned. I don’t know. My Sweet Husband laughs at me when, after we’ve left a restaurant I mention a conversation I overheard while he and I were chatting… I need to be sure I am listening well to him! Seeking to make the person I am engaged with feel they are the only person in the room.

If my kids come up, they know not to interrupt (though they need reminders). They put their hand on my arm and, so they know I see them, I put my hand on theirs. I read this once and it has been ever so helpful. That way, not only are they not being rude to others, I am able to focus on the person I am speaking to, responding to my children when there is a break in conversation.

Phrases

There are always phrases and slang words that mark a certain point in history. If someone says something, it may tell how old they are. Groovy, Sick, Far Out… Our current society has many of them, too. They are most often not helpful, though sometimes they do give us a chuckle. When we are speaking to people, they will notice if we use cliché catch phrases to get rid of them or excuse ourselves or brush over something serious in conversation.

We need to be on our guard against things that could mistake our true meaning for something else. For instance, when others so commonly complain about the weather, we can get sucked into that and say something we never thought we’d say. “Is it going to snow again? I am sick of this!” our friend may say. We respond with, “I know. I’m about ready to move to South America.” This conversation had the opportunity of encouragement and we missed it. Replay: “Is it going to snow again? I am sick of this!” “I know, but isn’t it fun to play in with the kids?” or “I know, but won’t it be helpful to our farmers this spring?” or “I know, it has snowed a lot. What things do you enjoy doing when it is wintery?” or “I know, and I have my puzzle all ready for a quiet night at home.”

Obviously sometimes we don’t have a moment to respond before the person has left. But, what about when we have time to respond? They are waiting on an answer from us. Perhaps their thoughts have been turned to the good because we chose to uplift the conversation instead of staying negative. It is a moment of seeing blessing in things instead of curses.

Ask a Question

In the above examples, I mentioned asking a question. Sometimes I don’t know how to respond. At times we are in conversation and we don’t want to be seen as Sunshine Sue that doesn’t ever see a cloud in the sky. Asking a question can show we are sympathetic while not staying on a negative track with the conversation. We can turn that conversation-train another direction.

You are at a get together and someone says they ate at the new restaurant and it was terrible. You could ask what they ate or why they thought it was terrible. You could turn things toward why they went out at all (date, celebration, etc.) and praise that special time. Even after they have responded to your question, ending on a note of apology for their poor meal and turning the topic is helpful. We don’t want to dwell on the sour things brought up. And we certainly don’t want to be the ones to bring up the sour things. But, we can always empathize and move forward in a joyful light.

Yes, there are times of saying sour things. But, I am seeking to draw our attention to a normal pattern in our lives that be either be lovely and helpful or negative and harmful. Which am I?

Give a Little

My last topic just tends toward letting others speak. There are times when I leave a lunch with friends and think that I didn’t ask them anything. I didn’t let them respond to other friends’ remarks. I sort of monopolized the entire conversation. What a sad friend I was! Not helpful, not a listener, self focused, and definitely not encouraging.

When we are with others, it is always a good idea to share the chat. Let others give their input. Seek to ask questions of friends, family, strangers to draw them out. Most people don’t mind talking about themselves. Be interested! There are times when we speak to a person who may be new or shy. Leading by example helps them to feel at ease. We chat a bit, then ask them something to relate to whatever is being discussed. Then, they don’t feel put on the spot right away and are hopefully comfortable because we set the stage for an uplifting chat.

If we always veer toward taking over a conversation, we not only push others into silence, we may miss a very important piece of edifying conversation simply by being the only one talking.

Joyful Chat

I hope this post has been helpful and uplifting to you! It has helped me as I wrote it to see where I need to improve. As I sit and listen to other people chatting, I am aware of how I may come across. Speaking from experience, we want people to enjoy talking to us, not run away. We want them to want to share. We like when things flow from a giving-taking chat. Be inclusive to others around if it is appropriate. Ask questions and listen to the answers. Pray for others and ask about their situation after a span of time to see how they’re doing. Listen with focus and intentionality. Train your children to do the same. And, be joyful! We have so much to be thankful for. We can sympathize and love others in a personal way that shows them we are truly caring about what we say to them and what they have to say to us.

Happy Chatting!